If I did, it would have a screaming, wide eyed infant, a bawling 3 year old, pee on the floor, laundry and toys covering every available surface, and me- crying and tearing my hair out.
It really wasn't that strange of a day, just my patience was worn so thin, and dear little Jack decided not to sleep all day long (well, pretty much). He was not happy to be awake either. I tried absolutely everything, and I have a lot of tricks. Walking with the baby wrap, walking with the swaddle looking at Christmas lights, rocking in the swaddle, out of the swaddle too, crying it out in the crib, crying it out in the crib with the vacuum running- Nothing worked. He screamed through all of it, the majority of the time right in my ear. With Norah crying and tugging on me too, I was in a pure state of rage when my poor hubby got home. I grabbed his keys and my running shoes as he walked in the door and kicked a water bottle that happened to be in my way as hard as I could as I ran from our house.
It is really depressing to face this truly dark side of myself during excruciatingly tough times. While I was out I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast called "The Sacred Role of Parenting". The guest that day, Gary Thomas, said something that really encouraged me.
"Our weakness becomes a strength when we use it to transfer our kid's allegiance from us to God."
As a parent all I can do is love my kids, try to point them toward God, and be honest about my many weaknesses. It comforted me to go home that night and say, "I screwed up, I was so impatient and angry today. I am so sorry. You have a Father in Heaven who never loses his patience with you. We can all just keep trying to follow Him."
I am so glad that my Father is still working on this mess of a heart of mine. My sweet children, be patient with me as you dodge the orange and white cones all around, He is working on me.
Thank you Lord, for that!
