If I did, it would have a screaming, wide eyed infant, a bawling 3 year old, pee on the floor, laundry and toys covering every available surface, and me- crying and tearing my hair out.
It really wasn't that strange of a day, just my patience was worn so thin, and dear little Jack decided not to sleep all day long (well, pretty much). He was not happy to be awake either. I tried absolutely everything, and I have a lot of tricks. Walking with the baby wrap, walking with the swaddle looking at Christmas lights, rocking in the swaddle, out of the swaddle too, crying it out in the crib, crying it out in the crib with the vacuum running- Nothing worked. He screamed through all of it, the majority of the time right in my ear. With Norah crying and tugging on me too, I was in a pure state of rage when my poor hubby got home. I grabbed his keys and my running shoes as he walked in the door and kicked a water bottle that happened to be in my way as hard as I could as I ran from our house.
It is really depressing to face this truly dark side of myself during excruciatingly tough times. While I was out I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast called "The Sacred Role of Parenting". The guest that day, Gary Thomas, said something that really encouraged me.
"Our weakness becomes a strength when we use it to transfer our kid's allegiance from us to God."
As a parent all I can do is love my kids, try to point them toward God, and be honest about my many weaknesses. It comforted me to go home that night and say, "I screwed up, I was so impatient and angry today. I am so sorry. You have a Father in Heaven who never loses his patience with you. We can all just keep trying to follow Him."
I am so glad that my Father is still working on this mess of a heart of mine. My sweet children, be patient with me as you dodge the orange and white cones all around, He is working on me.
Thank you Lord, for that!
4 comments:
Oh darling! I'm so sorry to read about your hair pulling, exhausting day! I so wish we could be near so that we could share our burdens together. But you are so right about our heavenly Father loving us through our weaknesses.
Sweet girl. I hope you can have a long, peaceful night sleep and that tomorrow comes with a large dose of patience and love!! I know you and that means you are the most wonderful mother in the world. Your children are so blessed to have you!!
I love you babe,
Pabs
Thanks for your honest vulnerability and I so hope your week is already looking up. Andy and I were just celebrating being out of the first yr the other day, it really does get so much better. Those early days are trying and I'm sure a crying baby doesn't help things at all. Man am I familiar with those moments, of pee on the floor during a feeding which is going south and another constantly asking questions.
May the Lord give you just what you need to get through these days! We ate a lot of soup and sandwiches last yr and the house was messy a lot as I tried to juggle what I thought was important in the moment. Hang in there and I'm praying for you!
Much love to you all!
Oh sweet Christy...bless your heart. I hope you got to sweat out your frustrations. You are such an amazing mom and a complete inspiration to me. I know one screaming kid is enough to make me crazy; I cannot imagine two going nuts at once. Aren't we so blessed to have a Father that understands our frustrations with our own children and is willing to pour out peace for both of you? I will pray that the rest of this week is better for you guys. Let Lee hug on you and call if you need to talk. love you, sweet girl. - molly :)
It is so nice to know that other people have days like mine and I only have 2 not 3! It was an inspiration to read your encouraging words! I know you are a great mom!
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